It starts innocently enough: you’re in a meeting, half-listening while you try to remember whether you already answered that email. Someone asks who can take on a new task, and before you can even blink, your coworker chirps, “Oh, they can do it.” You smile politely, because you’re a professional, and because you’re temporarily too stunned to speak.
Then, later, when you bring it up, she says she assumed you “wanted the visibility.” Which is a fascinating way to describe surprise overtime and an unexpected side quest in someone else’s project plan.
The moment it happens: public yes, private panic
People who’ve been voluntold like this describe the same split-second experience: the room moves on, your name is now attached to deliverables, and you’re left doing mental math about how many evenings you’ll lose. It’s not just the extra work—it’s the social pressure. Once your name is said out loud in front of the boss, it’s suddenly harder to walk it back without looking “not collaborative.”
This is why it feels so sticky. Meetings are public, fast, and full of implied expectations, and your coworker just used that momentum like a conveyor belt—straight onto your calendar.
“I assumed you wanted visibility”: helpful… or conveniently strategic?
On paper, “visibility” sounds like a compliment. It suggests you’re talented, trusted, and ready for bigger things. In practice, it can be code for “I needed someone reliable, and I knew you wouldn’t make a scene in front of leadership.”
To be fair, some people genuinely think they’re helping. They’ve read one too many career threads about “raise your hand, show initiative,” and they’ve decided to outsource your hand-raising. Still, even good intentions don’t make it okay to assign your time without asking.
Why it’s more than an annoying habit
This isn’t just a pet peeve; it can reshape your workload and reputation. When you’re repeatedly assigned extra projects, your core work can slip, and then you get judged on missed deadlines or “lack of focus.” Meanwhile, the person volunteering you often gets to look like a proactive team player without carrying the same weight.
There’s also a subtle fairness issue. The same people tend to get picked again and again: the dependable ones, the ones who respond quickly, the ones who don’t love conflict, and the ones who are newer or trying to prove themselves. Visibility is great, but it shouldn’t be purchased with burnout.
How managers and teams accidentally encourage it
Some workplaces unintentionally reward the “fastest answer in the room.” When a manager asks for a volunteer and someone immediately suggests a name, the group feels relieved. The manager gets a quick solution, the meeting stays on time, and nobody wants to reopen the question.
Over time, this becomes a pattern. The coworker who assigns others starts to feel like a mini-coordinator, and the rest of the team gets used to a system where consent is optional. It’s efficient in the way that cutting corners is efficient—until something breaks.
What to say in the meeting (without making it weird)
If you want to stop the assignment before it lands, you need a phrase that’s calm, clear, and hard to argue with. The key is to avoid sounding defensive while still not accepting the work on the spot. You’re aiming for “professional pause,” not “public showdown.”
Try something like: “I can’t commit to that without checking my current deadlines—can we circle back after the meeting?” Or: “I’m at capacity this week; if this is a priority, what should I deprioritize?” Those sentences do two things at once: they signal you’re thoughtful, and they force a real tradeoff instead of a magical addition.
What to say to your coworker afterward
Once the meeting’s over, a quick, direct chat can reset the rules. Keep it simple and assume positive intent at first, even if you’re internally composing a dramatic monologue. You can be warm and still be firm.
Something like: “Hey, I noticed you offered me for that project in the meeting. In the future, please check with me first before committing my time.” If she brings up visibility, you can respond: “I appreciate that, but I need to choose my stretch work based on my bandwidth and goals.”
If she insists she’s helping you, here’s the reframe
When someone says, “I was just helping your career,” they’re often assuming their view of ambition is universal. Some people do want every high-profile task. Others want to do excellent work, keep their sanity, and maybe eat dinner at a normal hour.
You can reframe it without arguing: “Visibility is important to me, but so is delivering quality. If I’m overloaded, I can’t do either well.” It’s hard for anyone to counter that without sounding like they’re advocating for chaos.
How to pull a project back if you’ve already been assigned
If your name is already attached, you’ve still got options. You can clarify scope immediately: “Happy to help—what does success look like, and what’s the timeline?” Then, offer a smaller commitment: “I can take the first draft, but I’ll need someone else to handle implementation.”
And if you truly can’t take it on, make it a priorities conversation with your manager. “I’m currently responsible for A and B. If I add this, one of those will slip—what should I adjust?” That’s not refusing work; it’s managing capacity like an adult.
What leaders should watch for (and why it matters)
Managers can unknowingly reinforce this dynamic by accepting assignments made on someone else’s behalf. A simple habit change helps: when a name is suggested, the manager can ask, “Are you able to take that on?” and wait for the person to answer themselves.
It also helps to track who gets the “visibility” work and who gets the unglamorous tasks. If the same few people are constantly being volunteered, that’s not culture—it’s a workload leak. And eventually it shows up as missed deadlines, churn, or a very quiet employee who stops raising their hand for anything at all.
The bigger shift: choosing visibility, not being drafted into it
There’s nothing wrong with wanting visibility. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting a sustainable workload and a job that doesn’t spill into every corner of your life. The problem is when visibility becomes something you’re assigned rather than something you opt into.
In healthy teams, opportunities are offered, not imposed. The best kind of “visibility” is the kind you can actually deliver on—without needing three clones, a time machine, and a secret fourth day in the weekend.
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As a mom of three busy boys, I know how chaotic life can get — but I’ve learned that it’s possible to create a beautiful, cozy home even with kids running around. That’s why I started Cultivated Comfort — to share practical tips, simple systems, and a little encouragement for parents like me who want to make their home feel warm, inviting, and effortlessly stylish. Whether it’s managing toy chaos, streamlining everyday routines, or finding little moments of calm, I’m here to help you simplify your space and create a sense of comfort.
But home is just part of the story. I’m also passionate about seeing the world and creating beautiful meals to share with the people I love. Through Cultivated Comfort, I share my journey of balancing motherhood with building a home that feels rich and peaceful — and finding joy in exploring new places and flavors along the way.
