After 19 Years of Marriage, Woman Says Husband Is Taking Advice About “Power Moves” From a Friend, Calling It “Manipulative and Disturbing”

After nearly two decades of marriage, one woman says she’s watching her relationship shift in a way that feels less like “growing together” and more like someone running a playbook. In a story that’s sparked a lot of head-nodding (and some raised eyebrows) online, she claims her husband has started taking “power move” advice from a friend—changes she describes as “manipulative and disturbing.”

And the weird part, she says, isn’t just the behavior. It’s how sudden and calculated it feels, like he’s trying to win a game she didn’t know they were playing.

A marriage that felt steady—until it didn’t

The woman, who shared her situation on a popular relationship forum, said she and her husband have been married for 19 years. By her account, they’ve had a fairly normal long-term partnership: routines, shared responsibilities, and the kind of quiet understanding couples build over time.

Then, within the past several months, she noticed a change in his tone and behavior. Conversations felt more tense and transactional, she wrote, and disagreements started coming with tactics rather than discussion.

Enter the “power moves” friend

According to her post, the shift seemed to line up with her husband spending more time with a particular friend—someone she describes as very into dominance, status, and “winning” social interactions. The friend allegedly talks about “power moves” the way some people talk about fantasy football strategies, except the game is your marriage.

She said her husband began referencing things this friend told him, sometimes directly and sometimes in a “you wouldn’t understand” kind of way. Over time, she started connecting the dots between the friend’s influence and her husband’s new habits at home.

What she says changed at home

The woman claims her husband started doing things that felt designed to throw her off balance. She described moments where he’d withhold information, change plans without telling her, or make decisions unilaterally and then frame her reaction as “overreacting.”

She also said he began speaking differently—more dismissive, more “I’m in charge,” less collaborative. The behavior wasn’t loud or explosive, she emphasized; it was subtle, deliberate, and that’s exactly why it bothered her.

Why it feels “manipulative,” not just annoying

Plenty of couples hit phases where one person becomes distant or cranky, and it can be chalked up to stress. But she believes this is something else because it comes with a strategy—actions meant to create a hierarchy rather than solve a problem.

In her words, it feels like he’s trying to “train” her responses. If she pushes back, she says he acts like she’s being emotional or irrational; if she stays calm, he treats it as proof his approach works. Either way, she ends up feeling cornered.

The internet’s reaction: “That’s not confidence, that’s control”

Commenters didn’t mince words. Many urged her to treat the “power moves” framing as a red flag, arguing that healthy relationships don’t require one person to gain the upper hand.

Others pointed out that advice culture online—especially the kind marketed as confidence-building—can quickly slide into manipulation when it’s applied to intimate relationships. A few people compared it to workplace dominance tactics being dragged into the living room, which, as several noted, is a pretty bleak vibe for a marriage.

So what even are “power moves,” and why do they backfire at home?

In social media self-help circles, “power moves” can mean anything from holding eye contact to setting boundaries. In that more reasonable form, it’s basically “don’t be a doormat,” which most people can get behind.

But the woman’s description sounds more like coercive tactics: withholding, testing, making someone feel unstable, or asserting dominance for its own sake. Those strategies might win a moment, but they tend to poison trust, which is kind of the whole point of marriage.

Experts often call this a trust issue, not a communication style

While the original post wasn’t an expert interview, many therapists who write about relationship dynamics draw a hard line between assertiveness and control. Assertiveness is “I need X and here’s why.” Control is “I’m going to make you feel small until you give me X.”

When one partner starts “gaming” the relationship, the other partner usually feels it—even if they can’t name it right away. That uneasy feeling the woman described, the sense of being managed instead of loved, is often the first sign something’s off.

What people suggested she do next

A lot of responses encouraged her to address it directly and specifically. Not “you’re being weird lately,” but “when you do X, it makes me feel Y, and it needs to stop.” The goal, commenters said, is to name the behavior clearly enough that it can’t hide behind jokes or denial.

Others recommended couples counseling, especially if her husband insists he’s just being “more confident.” A neutral third party can help sort out whether this is insecurity dressed up as dominance, resentment that’s been simmering, or a genuine misunderstanding about boundaries and respect.

When “just talk to him” isn’t enough

Some commenters also noted that if the behavior escalates—more isolation, more financial control, more intimidation—then it’s not simply a communication bump. It becomes a safety and autonomy issue. Several urged her to keep a private record of concerning incidents, not to “build a case,” but to sanity-check patterns that can be easy to doubt in the moment.

And in the bluntest responses, people told her to trust her gut. If a partner starts treating the relationship like a power contest, it’s reasonable to consider what that means long-term—especially after 19 years of building a life together.

A midlife reinvention—or a midlife derailment?

A few readers took a more curious angle: could this be a misguided attempt at reinvention? Sometimes people hit midlife and panic a little, looking for shortcuts to feel respected, desired, or in control. The problem is when those shortcuts come from someone selling dominance as a personality.

The woman said she doesn’t want to “throw away” the marriage, but she also doesn’t want to live in a home where she’s being psychologically outmaneuvered. For many following the story, that tension felt painfully relatable: wanting to protect what you’ve built while refusing to accept a new, darker version of it.

The big question she’s left with

At the heart of her post is a question a lot of long-term couples eventually face in some form: If your partner changes, how much change is growth—and how much is harm? She’s not describing one bad fight. She’s describing a shift in values, where partnership is being replaced by pecking order.

Whether her husband drops the “power moves” mindset or doubles down may determine what happens next. But she’s been clear about one thing: she didn’t sign up to be someone’s opponent, and she’s not interested in playing along.

 

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