One mom says she’s starting to feel overwhelmed and resentful in her marriage after returning to work — because even while her husband is on paternity leave, she feels like she’s still doing almost everything at home.
Now she’s asking other parents a simple but painful question:
Is she expecting too much… or is her husband being lazy?
A Busy Household With a 10-Month-Old
The couple share a 10-month-old daughter and both work demanding tech jobs from home.
For the first few months after the baby was born, the mom handled most childcare and household responsibilities while on maternity leave.
But now the roles have shifted.
She’s back to working full time, and her husband is currently the one on paternity leave.
Yet according to her, the workload hasn’t changed much at all.
What Her Day Looks Like
She described a typical day that includes:
- Working her full-time job
- Breastfeeding
- Feeding their baby solid food
- Changing diapers
- Bathing their daughter
- Cleaning the house
- Handling dishes, trash, and other chores
Meanwhile, she says her husband contributes in some ways.
He sometimes cooks, and he often takes their daughter on walks so she can nap in a carrier while the mom focuses on work.
But outside of those moments, she says most household tasks still fall on her.
The Naps That Frustrate Her
Another thing that’s started to bother her is how differently they seem to handle energy levels.
She says that whenever her husband does something — whether it’s cooking or watching the baby — he often takes a nap afterward.
Meanwhile, she spends the day juggling work, childcare, exercise, and housework without resting.
If he simply matched her pace, she says, life would feel much easier.
The Diaper Issue
One detail in particular has become a major point of frustration.
Her husband refuses to change diapers.
His reason?
He says it’s gross.
So every diaper change ends up falling on her.
She says she loves her husband and believes he’s a good father — but lately the situation has been making her feel resentful.
A Bigger Realization
During the discussion, she admitted something that surprised even her.
Before they had a baby, she handled most household chores naturally because she found cleaning relaxing.
At the time, she didn’t realize how little her husband contributed.
Now that she has far less free time, the imbalance has become much more obvious.
A Disturbing Admission
When another commenter asked what would happen if she left her husband alone with the baby for several hours, she revealed something even more concerning.
She said her husband once told her he wouldn’t change a diaper even if the baby soiled it while he was alone with her.
Instead, he said he would simply leave the baby until she returned.
The mom admitted that writing that out made her realize how extreme the situation sounded.
Reddit’s Reaction
Many commenters were stunned — particularly by the diaper refusal.
Several pointed out that diaper changes are basic parenting, not optional chores.
Others questioned what exactly the husband was doing with his paternity leave if he wasn’t fully participating in childcare.
One commenter summed up the frustration bluntly:
“If he won’t change a diaper, he’s not a good dad.”
The Bigger Conversation
Some commenters encouraged the mom to have a serious conversation about the division of labor in their household.
Others suggested couples counseling or setting clear expectations about parenting responsibilities moving forward.
Because while resentment can build quietly at first, many parents warned that it can become much harder to fix if the imbalance continues.
For now, the mom says she still loves her husband deeply.
But she also knows something has to change — before the frustration grows into something bigger.
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As a mom of three busy boys, I know how chaotic life can get — but I’ve learned that it’s possible to create a beautiful, cozy home even with kids running around. That’s why I started Cultivated Comfort — to share practical tips, simple systems, and a little encouragement for parents like me who want to make their home feel warm, inviting, and effortlessly stylish. Whether it’s managing toy chaos, streamlining everyday routines, or finding little moments of calm, I’m here to help you simplify your space and create a sense of comfort.
But home is just part of the story. I’m also passionate about seeing the world and creating beautiful meals to share with the people I love. Through Cultivated Comfort, I share my journey of balancing motherhood with building a home that feels rich and peaceful — and finding joy in exploring new places and flavors along the way.
