Trans Man at His First-Ever Therapy Appointment Got a Confused Older Therapist on a Video Call in a Closet-Sized Room Who Spent 20 Minutes on Computer Settings — She Then Steered the Conversation Back to His Surgery and Told Him to “Go Home and Look Up What Anxiety Means”

In a world where seeking help can still be stigmatized, one trans man decided to take the plunge and seek therapy for the first time. He had been struggling with what he referred to as medical anxiety, which manifested in various forms—panic attacks, food paranoia, and an overwhelming fear of his own body. He thought that therapy could provide some clarity and help him navigate his mental health challenges. Little did he know that his first encounter with a therapist would be anything but straightforward.

When he arrived for his appointment, he was ushered into a small, closet-like room that felt more like a broom closet than a therapeutic space. It set an uneasy tone for the session. Instead of a calming environment conducive to discussing personal issues, he was met with what felt like a rushed and disorganized setup. The therapist, an older woman, appeared confused from the moment they connected over video call. It turned out she had mistaken him for another patient, which led to an awkward start where they both fumbled through introductions.

For the first 20 minutes, the therapist seemed preoccupied with adjusting her computer settings, staring blankly at her screen while the man sat in silence, feeling increasingly uncomfortable. He could sense that he was interrupting a routine she wasn’t quite prepared for. It was the first time he was vulnerable with a professional, and instead of engaging with his concerns, she was distracted by technical difficulties. As he looked around the cramped room, his anxiety began to spike, setting off alarm bells in his mind about whether or not this was the right place for him.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the conversation shifted toward his identity as a trans man. He had come in hoping to discuss his anxiety and its impact on his life, but she kept steering the topics back to his gender identity. The man felt as if he were being placed in a box labeled “trans” rather than being seen as a person with complex emotions and issues. Instead of diving into the depth of his struggles with anxiety, the therapist asked him leading questions about his surgery and made comments about her “trans friends,” which felt more like an attempt to connect rather than a helpful inquiry into his mental health.

As he bravely opened up about his experiences with panic attacks and sleepless nights, describing the crippling fears that accompanied them, she brushed his concerns aside, labeling them simply as “normal anxiety.” This dismissal hit hard—he had spent countless nights in fear of his own body, and to have his struggles minimized felt like a slap in the face. He pointed out that the term “anxiety” didn’t encapsulate what he was feeling, which seemed to annoy her. Rather than engaging with his perspective, she advised him to “go home and look up what anxiety means.”

In that moment, the man felt his heart sink. Was this really what therapy was supposed to be like? He was there, seeking guidance and support, not to be told that his feelings were misinformed. To make matters worse, she suggested he visit the ER for high blood pressure medication, despite him having expressed fear about medication. Instead of finding reassurance, he felt bewildered by her lack of sensitivity to his fears.

To top it all off, the therapist had a passive-aggressive tone when she mentioned that he had been “late” to the appointment. This felt incredibly unfair, given that she had spent a chunk of their session fumbling with technology. It left him feeling dismissed; he began to question whether this was the right path for him. The feeling of being misunderstood and marginalized in that tiny room made it clear to him that he needed a change.

After the session ended, he took a deep breath, reflecting on the experience. Was he overreacting? Was this standard for therapy? He pondered if he had been too hasty in seeking help, if his expectations had been too high. But in the end, he recognized that seeking therapy was a big step for him, and it should have been a more supportive experience. He ultimately decided to switch therapists, feeling that it was necessary for his mental health journey. Sometimes, the fit simply isn’t right, and that’s okay.