Some people talk about being single as a choice they made. TikTok creator Maeby, who posts as @mmaebyy, says that has never been her experience. For her, being single is not a decision at all. “It’s the default of my life,” she says, and more than 1.3 million people have watched her explain why.
Single Is What Happens When She Does Nothing
Maeby opens by admitting that one popular phrase genuinely puzzles her. She says it “very much confuses me to hear people say that they are choosing to be intentionally single.” In her life, there is nothing to choose. “Dating is the thing that I have to actively participate in,” she explains. “Unless I seek it out, there is no man for me to entertain.”
She is careful to explain what she means. By single, she does not mean lonely or isolated. She means not being pursued. Relationships have never just fallen into her lap, she says, and any dating she has done came from her putting herself out there on purpose.
That is where the second half of her video comes in. Maeby says she cannot quite understand women who have four boyfriends in a year or who always seem to be in a relationship. Her best guess is that they may simply be more open to it than she is. Her caption sums up the whole thought: “The thought that being single is a choice and not just what happens is really just interesting to me idk.”
@mmaebyy
The Late Bloomers Showed Up
Maeby tagged the video with hashtags like #latebloomer and #nycdatinglife, and the comments filled with people who felt seen. “I don’t ever get approached lol,” one wrote, adding that the idea of having to actively turn men down to stay single was completely foreign to them.
Another wrote simply, “Literally me,” explaining that the few men who approach in person are not real options anyway, and finishing with a line that could be a motto: “Single is so baseline.”
Not everyone saw it the same way. One commenter pushed back on the idea that choice has nothing to do with it. “I’m choosing to be single because I haven’t met any man who I would want to date,” they wrote, which is a reminder that both things can be true at once. Being single can be the default and still involve standards.
Why Some People Are Always Partnered
Maeby’s question about the women who seem to go from one boyfriend straight to the next has a few real answers. Some people are more comfortable starting conversations and saying yes to dates with people they are only mildly interested in. Some date with an open mind and let things develop. Others are simply in social circles, workplaces or cities where they meet a lot of new people. None of it makes them better or worse at love. It just changes how often the door opens.
And there is nothing wrong with being someone who has to open that door on purpose. Plenty of happy long term couples started because one person decided to make a move.
If Single Is Your Default Too
- Decide whether you actually want to change it. A content single life is a perfectly good life. Only put in the effort if a relationship is something you genuinely want.
- Widen your circle, not just your app radius. Classes, clubs, volunteering and friends of friends create more natural chances to meet people.
- Make the first move sometimes. If no one approaches, a friendly comment or a simple invitation is often all it takes.
- Say yes to a second conversation. Interest often grows with familiarity, so not every spark needs to be instant.
- Stop comparing timelines. Someone with four boyfriends a year is not ahead of you. They are just having a different experience.
What made Maeby’s video connect is that she is not complaining. She is just describing a version of dating life that a lot of people quietly live and rarely hear named. For them, single is not a phase or a statement. It is simply home base.
Credit for the original video goes to @mmaebyy on TikTok.
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