Divorced Dad Keeps Guilt-Tripping His Adult Child To Call Their Mom, Saying She Sounds “Sad” Even Though He Knows Why They’re Estranged

Almost any time he texts her—which is about once every couple of months—he always manages to drop a guilt trip. “Your mom has been really upset,” he says, “You should reach out to her.” The words might as well be an echo of a well-rehearsed script. It gets old, especially considering the context. After all, she has every reason to stay away from her mom, yet she finds herself constantly painted as the bad guy in a situation she didn’t create.

For some background, things changed dramatically when her mother remarried. She was only eight when her mom married a cop who seemed fine at first. But things quickly spiraled. The new stepfather revealed a darker side, battling issues with alcohol that led to violent outbursts. These domestic disputes rattled their home, leaving her feeling unsafe. The real horror, however, came when she was twelve. One night, she woke up to find him groping her, hands under her shirt. The trauma stayed with her, a shadow she couldn’t shake off no matter how hard she tried.

Years later, after moving out and trying to escape the dysfunction, she finally confronted her mother about what happened. Instead of support, she was met with denial. “I won’t help you. I don’t believe you,” her mother said, choosing to stay with the man who had caused so much pain instead of believing her daughter. It was a betrayal that cut deep, especially since the years had only compounded her trauma. She had to deal with her mental breakdown in the aftermath, while her mother painted her as someone who had simply lost touch with reality.

Her bio dad is well aware of the situation—he knows why she cut ties with her mother. But each time he sends her a message, it feels like yet another reminder of her pain. He never acknowledges how she feels; it’s as if her own suffering is invisible in the eyes of her father. “Nobody cares about how sad I am,” she thinks, feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. “I had to go without a mother, denied the support I needed while enduring abuse.” Each text from him sends her spiraling back into that dark space, a place she has fought hard to escape.

Now, she finds herself at a crossroads. Should she cut ties with her bio dad too? It’s a question that has been nagging at her. Whenever he reaches out, despite his good intentions, it pulls her back into a mental state she is desperate to avoid. After explaining her feelings countless times, she wonders why on Earth he still believes guilt-tripping her will lead to any positive outcome. “Make up with her?” she thinks, incredulous. “How are we supposed to ‘make up’ when the bridge is clearly burned?” There’s no way forward until her mother confronts the truth—until she believes her daughter and distances herself from the abuser.

The cycle feels endless, like a cruel game where she’s forced to relive the same trauma over and over. The emotional toll is heavy, dragging her back to a place where she used to experience a sense of safety and hope. But every message from her bio dad sends her tumbling back into the darkness, reminding her of what she’s lost and what she’s endured.

As she grapples with her feelings, she knows she deserves to prioritize her mental well-being. The guilt that her bio dad tries to impart isn’t just annoying; it’s damaging, constantly yanking her back into trauma. And so, she sits with the decision looming over her: is it time to cut him off too? Or is there a way to communicate her needs without severing that tie entirely? It’s a question she continues to wrestle with, all while navigating the fallout from a childhood she wishes she could forget.