MIL Calls A Miscarriage “No Big Deal” Because She’s “Very Fertile,” Then Undermines Parenting And Wants “All Of My Boys” In The Yard

First time posting to this subreddit, and the original poster (OP) finds herself in a whirlwind of confusion and emotional turmoil involving her mother-in-law (MIL). She’s unsure whether she’s being too sensitive or if her MIL’s constant meddling and undermining behavior are crossing some serious lines.

OP and her husband have been together for over a decade, and they share a two-year-old son. Initially, OP appreciated her MIL, especially since her own mother was unavailable and often volatile. The MIL had taken her in during tough times, offering food and support when OP was a broke college student. However, over the years, OP began to sense that the favors came with strings attached as the MIL’s actions grew more intrusive and controlling.

It all started innocently enough, but the MIL’s behavior soon became suffocating and critical. She frequently bought OP clothes, specifying that the items would be more flattering, and even went so far as to gift an entire bra collection, critiquing OP’s appearance as less than perfect. Though OP tried to convince herself it was just her MIL’s way of showing love, deep down, she felt her autonomy slipping away.

The real tension began when OP and her husband made significant life decisions. When they announced their engagement, the MIL criticized OP’s choice of rings—a blow that stung, especially given the history of support she’d received from her. When OP became pregnant, the MIL’s excitement morphed into pressure. She obsessively called for updates, critiqued nursery themes, and questioned OP’s dietary choices during pregnancy.

When OP’s son was finally born, the MIL’s critiques only intensified. She exploded upon learning about OP’s decision to exclusively formula-feed, arguing that OP was setting her son up for health issues. The MIL’s criticism escalated during OP’s postpartum recovery, as she commented on OP’s struggles with mental health and body image, inflicting further emotional stress on a new mother already battling postpartum depression.

But the breaking point for OP was when she suffered a miscarriage. The MIL’s insensitive comments following the loss left OP reeling. When her husband informed the MIL about the miscarriage, she nonchalantly remarked that OP was “lucky” to conceive easily, implying that there was little weight to the loss since OP was “very fertile.” This dismissal stung deeply, especially given OP’s fragile emotional state.

With the MIL now living closer to OP and her family, the situation escalated. The MIL began to override OP’s parenting decisions, speaking over her when she was trying to discipline her son. This continued to happen to the extent that she would correct OP’s son’s vocabulary and even dictate how to handle potty training, which OP was initially addressing at her own pace. The MIL bought potty training materials without consulting OP, presenting them as “solutions” to her perceived inability to motivate her son.

Most intriguingly, OP felt completely erased when the MIL decided to make concrete pavers of her sons’ footprints, including that of OP’s son, but neglecting to create one for OP. The MIL’s emphasis on having “all of my boys” in her yard struck OP as a significant oversight, suggesting that OP was merely an accessory to her son’s life rather than an active and valued participant. The situation left OP feeling marginalized as the MIL prioritized her other son, creating additional friction in their already complex relationship.

As OP reflects on the entire situation, she grapples with feelings of self-doubt. She wonders if she is being too sensitive or if her MIL genuinely lacks awareness of how her actions affect others. Despite the emotional turmoil, OP is left questioning her feelings, seeking validation from others who might help her process this chaotic family dynamic. Her husband’s view that his mother simply doesn’t understand her impact may explain her reluctance to confront the MIL, but it doesn’t ease the pain of feeling belittled and unheard.

In the end, OP is left pondering whether she’s the problem for not standing up for herself or if the MIL’s behavior is indeed unreasonable—and in need of confrontation. It’s a complex situation that resonates with many who have navigated similar challenges in family dynamics, especially when it comes to in-laws and parenting.