My Family Tried To Pray The Gay Away And Now That I Finally Escaped My Mom Keeps Acting Like None Of It Ever Happened

When families turn to religious practices to change their LGBTQ+ children’s sexual orientation, the psychological wounds can last for years. Some queer individuals have endured everything from forced prayer sessions to violent interventions, all in the name of making them straight. After escaping these traumatic experiences, many survivors face a new challenge: family members who refuse to acknowledge the harm they caused or pretend the abuse never occurred.

Charles’ story illustrates this painful reality. At 20, his family subjected him to beatings by soldiers, forced encounters with sex workers, and repeated deliverance sessions with pastors. His mother seized his passport to prevent him from joining his father in the US, fearing he would marry a man. Years later, after her sister’s death, she invited another pastor who predicted Charles would die if he didn’t change.

The documentary Pray Away features former leaders of conversion therapy organizations who have since renounced these practices. Yet countless families continue attempting to change their children through prayer, despite the documented psychological damage. For those who manage to escape, the journey doesn’t end with physical distance.

Surviving ‘Pray the Gay Away’: The Family Experience

Many LGBTQ individuals face intense pressure from religious families who view same-sex attraction as something that can be changed through prayer and faith-based interventions. The journey from coming out to surviving reparative therapy often leaves lasting psychological scars, even when the person finally escapes these environments.

Coming Out and Facing Family Rejection

Coming out to deeply religious parents often triggers immediate rejection and attempts to “fix” what families view as broken. One gay son described how his mother tried to pray the gay away after his sister died, which eventually led him to block her on all platforms.

A lesbian woman from a Catholic family actually tried to pray away her own sexual orientation out of fear her deeply religious parents would reject her for liking women. This internalized shame starts before families even get involved.

Growing up gay in a deeply religious household creates trauma that crosses individual religious boundaries, affecting Christian, Muslim, and other faith communities. Parents often threaten to disown their children or remove them from the home entirely if they don’t change.

Living Through Reparative Therapy and Religious Pressure

Ex-gay programs promise transformation from gay to straight through prayer, counseling, and group sessions. One survivor spent years in prayer sessions, exorcisms, support groups, and working with “experts” but nothing changed his sexual orientation.

These programs operate by targeting vulnerable young people who desperately want to please their families and God. Participants attend weekly meetings, complete workbooks, and undergo what some describe as spiritual warfare sessions where church leaders physically restrain them while casting out “demons of perversion.”

The Netflix documentary “Pray Away” chronicles the history of the anti-gay movement and features voices of both conversion therapy participants and survivors. The film reveals how organizations preyed on guilt-ridden teenagers and young adults who believed change was possible.

Mental Health Struggles: Depression and Self-Acceptance

The psychological toll of trying to change one’s sexual orientation through prayer leads to severe mental health crises. Survivors report multiple suicide attempts, emergency room visits, and diagnoses of severe anxiety disorders directly connected to their experiences with reparative therapy.

Being told they’re “holding onto sin” or lack sufficient faith pushes already struggling individuals toward life-threatening desperation. The constant message that they’re not trying hard enough or don’t truly want to change creates a cycle of shame and self-hatred.

Many survivors develop depression that requires years of professional psychotherapy and medication to address. Even decades later, they report nightmares and haunting memories from their time in these programs. The damage extends beyond the therapy itself, as individuals struggle to reconcile their identity with the religious teachings they were raised with.

Escaping, Healing, and Moving Forward

Breaking free from conversion therapy attempts often marks just the beginning of a complex journey that involves establishing independence, reconstructing one’s sense of self, and navigating family members who refuse to acknowledge past harm.

The Road to Independence and Newfound Freedom

Many people who escaped abusive households describe leaving as a combination of careful planning and desperate action. For LGBTQ individuals fleeing conversion therapy environments, the escape often means leaving with minimal possessions and cutting financial ties completely.

Some moved in with supportive friends or partners who understood what they were running from. Others found temporary housing through LGBTQ community centers or sympathetic extended family members who disagreed with the conversion attempts.

The initial period of freedom brought both relief and unexpected challenges. Many struggled with basic life skills they’d never been allowed to develop independently. Others dealt with intense guilt over leaving, even when they knew staying meant continued psychological harm. Financial instability became a common reality, especially for those who left before finishing school or establishing careers.

Rebuilding Relationships and Identity

After escaping, many faced the difficult work of figuring out who they actually were beyond the shame and fear. Years of being told their identity was sinful left deep wounds that didn’t heal overnight.

Some found gay Christian communities that helped them reconcile their faith with their sexuality. These groups offered a different interpretation than organizations like Living Waters or the now-defunct Exodus International had promoted. Others stepped away from religion entirely, at least temporarily, needing space from anything connected to their trauma.

Friendships took time to build authentically. Many had learned to hide parts of themselves so thoroughly that genuine connection felt foreign and frightening. Dating presented its own complications, as trust issues and internalized homophobia often surfaced in intimate relationships.

When Parents Deny the Past: Gaslighting and Silence

The refusal to acknowledge what happened creates a particularly painful dynamic. Parents who previously organized prayer sessions, sent their children to conversion programs, or brought in church leaders to “fix” them now act as if none of it occurred.

This denial often takes specific forms. Some parents claim they were just “concerned” or “trying to help.” Others insist their child is misremembering or exaggerating what happened. A few even reverse the narrative completely, suggesting they were always supportive.

The gaslighting makes healing from the pain of the past significantly more difficult. Without acknowledgment, there can be no genuine reconciliation. Many find themselves stuck between wanting family connection and needing validation that their experiences were real and harmful.

Finding Support Beyond Family: LGBTQ and Gay Christian Communities

Support groups specifically for LGBTQ individuals who survived religious trauma became lifelines for many. These spaces allowed people to share experiences without judgment or the need to explain why certain prayers or Bible verses triggered panic.

Online communities proved especially valuable for those in areas without local LGBTQ resources. Forums and social media groups connected survivors of conversion therapy attempts across different backgrounds and belief systems.

Some found mental healing through community support that validated their experiences rather than pathologizing their identity. Therapy with LGBTQ-affirming counselors helped many process the trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms than the suppression they’d been taught.

 

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