A teen’s quiet confession is hitting a nerve online: their best friend, once the person they could talk to about anything, now leaves them feeling wiped out after every chat. “I feel drained after every conversation,” the teen wrote, describing a friendship that’s started to feel more like emotional overtime than a safe place to land. The post, shared anonymously on a popular advice forum, has sparked a wave of responses from people who recognized the pattern immediately.
It’s not that the teen hates their friend or wants to “drop” them. It’s more complicated than that—there’s history, loyalty, and real affection. But there’s also a steady sense of pressure, like every conversation comes with a backpack full of someone else’s feelings.
When “best friend” turns into “on-call therapist”
The teen described interactions that start normal and quickly slide into intense venting, repeated crises, and long, looping discussions that never really resolve. If the teen doesn’t respond fast enough, their friend gets upset or spirals. If they do respond, the conversation can stretch for hours and leave the teen feeling strangely hollow afterward.
Commenters latched onto a familiar dynamic: one person constantly pouring out emotions, the other constantly absorbing them. It’s not that supporting a friend is bad—most people want to show up for the people they love. But when the “support” becomes one-sided, it stops feeling like friendship and starts feeling like a job you never applied for.
Small signs something’s shifted
What stood out wasn’t a single dramatic fight. It was the slow accumulation of little moments: the teen noticing they were bracing themselves before opening messages, feeling guilty for wanting a quiet night, and needing time alone after every call. That’s a big clue, mental health advocates say, that a relationship may be demanding more emotional energy than it gives back.
Some responders pointed out that exhaustion can come from the content of the conversations—heavy topics, constant conflict, or nonstop negativity. Others noted it can come from the pace: rapid-fire texts, late-night calls, or repeated “are you mad at me?” check-ins. Either way, when you’re regularly depleted, it’s worth paying attention to what your body and brain are trying to tell you.
Why it feels so hard to name the problem
For teens especially, friendships can be intense because they’re often the main emotional support system outside family. There’s also a social script that says “best friends tell each other everything,” which can make boundaries feel like betrayal. The teen admitted they felt selfish for even thinking, “I can’t do this anymore,” even though the feeling had been building for months.
That guilt is common, according to counselors who frequently see similar situations in schools. When one friend is struggling, the other may feel responsible for keeping them stable. But responsibility isn’t the same as care, and being someone’s friend isn’t the same as being their mental health provider.
What commenters are saying: “You’re allowed to have limits”
The replies offered a surprising amount of nuance. Many people validated the teen’s exhaustion while still acknowledging the friend might be going through something real. “You can love someone and still need space,” one commenter wrote, echoing a theme repeated throughout the thread.
Others suggested the teen try a practical reset: shorter conversations, clearer time limits, and less immediate responding. A handful recommended a “two-way check-in” habit—asking both people how they’re doing, rather than letting every interaction default to one person’s crisis of the day. A few joked gently that friendships shouldn’t feel like a subscription service you can’t cancel, which got plenty of nervous laughs and “sad but true” replies.
Experts call it compassion fatigue—yes, even with friends
Mental health professionals often use the term “compassion fatigue” to describe burnout from supporting someone else’s distress over time. It’s usually discussed in caregiving jobs, but the concept can apply to friendships too—especially when conversations are consistently intense and there’s little recovery time. Feeling numb, irritable, avoidant, or “tired in your bones” after talking can be signs your empathy tank is running low.
This doesn’t mean the teen is uncaring. It means they’re human. And humans, inconveniently, need rest, balance, and sometimes a conversation that includes something other than panic, conflict, or emotional emergencies.
The tricky part: your friend might not mean to overwhelm you
One reason these situations get messy is that the emotionally intense friend may not realize how much they’re taking up. They might be anxious, lonely, depressed, or dealing with problems at home, and the friendship becomes their main coping tool. In that case, the teen’s attention can start functioning like oxygen: when it’s there, they calm down; when it’s not, they panic.
But even if it’s unintentional, the impact still matters. A friendship can be nobody’s “fault” and still be unhealthy in its current form. The goal isn’t to put a villain label on either teen; it’s to get the relationship back into a shape that doesn’t drain one person dry.
How teens are talking about boundaries in real life
Several commenters shared scripts that sounded less like therapy-speak and more like something you could actually text without dying of embarrassment. Things like: “I care about you, but I can’t talk about heavy stuff tonight,” or “I have the energy for 10 minutes, not two hours.” Simple, clear, and kind—no dramatic speeches required.
Others suggested using “I” statements to keep it from turning into an accusation. “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately and I need some space to recharge” lands differently than “You always dump your problems on me.” The second may be true in spirit, but it can also start a fight that distracts from the point.
When it’s more than a friendship issue
Some replies took a more serious turn: if the friend is frequently talking about self-harm, threats, or feeling unsafe, that’s not something a teen should carry alone. In those moments, it’s appropriate to loop in a trusted adult—like a parent, school counselor, coach, or another family member—especially if there’s immediate risk. It’s not “snitching” to get help; it’s recognizing the situation is bigger than a two-person chat.
People also reminded the teen that being someone’s only lifeline is a lot to put on one relationship. Encouraging the friend to widen their support network—other friends, clubs, mentors, counseling—can reduce the pressure on the friendship and help the friend build steadier coping skills.
What a healthier version of the friendship could look like
At its best, a friendship can hold hard conversations without becoming only hard conversations. That might mean agreeing on “venting boundaries,” like asking, “Do you have the bandwidth for something heavy?” before unloading. It might mean balancing serious talks with normal life stuff—memes, school gossip, music, whatever makes them feel like teens again.
It can also mean accepting that closeness doesn’t have to equal constant availability. A friend can be important without having 24/7 access to your attention, your time, and your emotional stamina. If both people can adjust, the relationship may feel lighter, safer, and a lot more mutual.
And if nothing changes?
Not every friendship survives this kind of imbalance, and commenters didn’t sugarcoat that. If the teen sets reasonable boundaries and the friend responds with guilt-tripping, anger, or punishment, that’s a sign the dynamic is stuck. In that case, distancing—slowly and respectfully—may be a form of self-protection, not cruelty.
Still, many people hoped for a middle path: more support for the struggling friend, more breathing room for the exhausted one, and a friendship that doesn’t leave either person feeling trapped. Because “best friend” should mean someone you can exhale around, not someone who makes you feel like you’re running emotional laps every time your phone lights up.
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