A woman says she thought she was signing up for a normal relationship with a man who happened to be going through a divorce. What she didn’t expect, she wrote, was that the divorce would become the relationship’s third roommate—loud, needy, and always present.
In a candid post that’s resonated with a lot of readers, she described feeling like her days are organized around her boyfriend’s legal battles, parenting logistics, and emotional fallout. “Everything revolves around his crisis,” she admitted, adding that she’s starting to wonder where she fits in when the crisis never seems to end.
When Dating Someone in Divorce Stops Feeling Like Dating
She says her boyfriend is a good dad and, in many ways, a good partner. But his divorce isn’t a background detail anymore—it’s the main plot, and she’s stuck playing a supporting character who’s always on call.
Plans get canceled because of last-minute custody changes. Even calm evenings can turn into impromptu therapy sessions when a new email from an attorney or a tense exchange with his ex sets him off. She’s trying to be understanding, but she’s also exhausted.
“I’m Being Supportive”… But at What Cost?
Her post doesn’t read like someone who lacks empathy. In fact, she sounds like she’s been bending over backward: listening, rearranging her schedule, offering reassurance, and making space for his kids’ needs.
The problem is the support has become one-way traffic. She says she’s stopped bringing up her own stress because it feels “small” next to his, and she’s noticed she’s shrinking herself to keep the peace. That’s not just tiring—it can quietly erode a person’s sense of self.
The Invisible Job: Managing Someone Else’s Emergency
One of the most relatable details in her account is how the divorce seems to dictate the emotional weather in their relationship. If his day is bad, the day is bad. If he’s anxious, everyone’s anxious.
It’s the kind of dynamic that can sneak up on you, because it looks like love at first. You tell yourself, “He’s going through a lot, this is temporary.” But temporary can turn into months, then years, and suddenly you’re living inside someone else’s emergency.
Readers Recognize the Pattern: Crisis as a Lifestyle
Responses to her story were full of people saying, essentially, “I’ve been there.” Some pointed out that divorce—especially with kids—can be a long, grinding process, and nobody is at their best while they’re in the thick of it.
Others were more blunt: if the relationship has no room for her needs now, it may never. A few commenters noted that some people unintentionally build their identity around conflict, meaning the divorce might end but the chaos won’t necessarily disappear with it.
Co-Parenting Complications and the “Ex Factor”
Dating a parent can be genuinely lovely, but it also comes with logistics that don’t care about romance. Custody schedules, school calendars, sick days, and childcare gaps can change plans in an instant. If the co-parenting relationship is tense, that stress can spill into everything.
The woman said she often feels like her boyfriend’s ex has a remote control to their life, even if that’s not anyone’s intention. It’s a common feeling for new partners in these situations: not jealousy, exactly, but frustration at how much power a third party can have over your time together.
Why This Can Feel So Personal (Even When It’s Not)
Part of what makes this situation so hard is that it’s not simply about scheduling. It’s about emotional availability. When someone is in ongoing conflict—legal, financial, or interpersonal—they can end up with very little left to give.
That can leave the other partner feeling like they’re dating “potential” rather than a person who can show up consistently. She isn’t asking for perfection, she says. She just wants to feel like a priority sometimes, not an afterthought squeezed between court deadlines and custody exchanges.
Small Moments That Add Up
What stands out is how ordinary the breaking points are. It’s not one dramatic fight; it’s a hundred small disappointments—dinners cut short, weekends rescheduled, phone calls interrupted, moods redirected by another tense message.
She described the mental load of always waiting for the next disruption, like living with a fire alarm that might go off at any time. Even when things are quiet, she’s bracing for noise. That’s not a relaxing way to build a relationship.
What People Say Helps: Boundaries That Don’t Feel Like Punishment
A lot of readers encouraged her to talk to her boyfriend in a way that’s honest but not accusatory. Not “your life is a mess,” but “I’m struggling because our relationship doesn’t have protected time, and I need that to feel secure.” It’s a subtle shift, but it tends to land better.
Others suggested practical boundaries: designated “no-divorce-talk” windows, planned dates that are treated as real commitments, and a clear agreement about what she is and isn’t responsible for. Support doesn’t have to mean becoming the emotional dump site for every crisis update.
The Question Underneath the Question
Her story ultimately circles one core worry: is this just a hard season, or is this the relationship? It’s the kind of question people avoid asking because it forces a scary follow-up—what if the answer means leaving?
Several commenters urged her to look for signs of forward motion. Is he taking steps to stabilize his life, get legal and emotional support, and build a healthier co-parenting routine? Or is he stuck, relying on her to absorb the stress while the situation keeps expanding to fill every available inch of their lives?
Where She Goes From Here
As of her last update, she seemed torn but clearer about one thing: she can’t keep living as if her own life is optional. She still cares about him and respects what he’s dealing with. But she also wants a relationship that feels mutual, not like a constant triage unit.
For many readers, that honesty was the most refreshing part. Love can be patient, sure, but it shouldn’t require disappearing. And if “everything revolves around his crisis,” it may be time—gently, firmly—to ask what’s left that revolves around them.
More from Cultivated Comfort:
- 7 Vintage Home Items From the ’60s That Are Collectors’ Dream Finds
- 7 Vintage Home Goods That Became Collectors’ Gold
- 7 Fast-Food Chains That Changed for the Worse
- 7 Frozen Dinners That Were Better Back in the Day
As a mom of three busy boys, I know how chaotic life can get — but I’ve learned that it’s possible to create a beautiful, cozy home even with kids running around. That’s why I started Cultivated Comfort — to share practical tips, simple systems, and a little encouragement for parents like me who want to make their home feel warm, inviting, and effortlessly stylish. Whether it’s managing toy chaos, streamlining everyday routines, or finding little moments of calm, I’m here to help you simplify your space and create a sense of comfort.
But home is just part of the story. I’m also passionate about seeing the world and creating beautiful meals to share with the people I love. Through Cultivated Comfort, I share my journey of balancing motherhood with building a home that feels rich and peaceful — and finding joy in exploring new places and flavors along the way.
