One mom says motherhood has left her feeling like she’s living as three different people — and she doesn’t recognize any of them.
There’s the version of her that shows up to work meetings pretending everything is fine.
The version that tries to be patient and present for her child.
And then there’s the version she used to be — the one who felt like a real person with interests, hobbies, and energy.
Now, she says that version feels like it disappeared.
“Three Versions of Me Exist Right Now”
The mom described the strange feeling of living multiple identities at once.
At work, she says she “masks” her exhaustion and pretends everything is normal.
At home, she pours her energy into parenting — even though she admits she’s often running on nothing but caffeine and guilt.
And the person she used to be feels almost like a stranger now.
Before becoming a parent, she spent her time painting, going to concerts, reading books in a single sitting, and having long conversations with friends.
Now those things feel impossible.
The Hobby Cycle That Never Lasts
She says she keeps trying to reconnect with herself by buying things connected to old or new hobbies.
Watercolors.
A ukulele.
Two journals.
Even an online course subscription.
But every time, the excitement fades after the first week.
By the time she finally has a moment to herself, her brain is so exhausted from making decisions all day that she can’t handle anything demanding.
Instead, she ends up scrolling TikTok just to numb out.
And even though she knows it’s not helping, she says she simply doesn’t have the mental energy for anything else.
The Loneliest Part
What scares her most isn’t just the exhaustion.
It’s the feeling that she doesn’t know who she is anymore outside of being useful to someone else.
When her husband recently asked what she wanted for her birthday, she realized something that genuinely frightened her.
She couldn’t think of a single answer.
Not a gift.
Not an activity.
Not anything that would make her happy.
“I genuinely don’t know what I want for anything,” she wrote.
And that realization made her wonder whether this is simply what motherhood becomes.
Other Moms Said the Feeling Is Common
Many other parents responded by saying they felt the exact same way.
Some explained that the early years of parenting can feel like an identity “reset,” where your old life disappears before a new version of yourself has fully formed.
Several mentioned the concept of “matrescence” — the psychological transition women go through when becoming mothers.
Much like adolescence, it can involve major emotional, personal, and identity shifts.
“Collectors of Intentions”
One comment that resonated strongly with many readers described the unused hobby supplies in a particularly honest way.
“We’re collectors of intentions,” the commenter wrote.
Many parents said they’ve also bought equipment or supplies for hobbies they never had the energy to pursue.
Not because they didn’t care about those things anymore — but because parenting drains so much mental bandwidth.
Some Advice That Helped
Several people encouraged the mom to start small rather than trying to recreate her old life.
Instead of expecting herself to paint for hours or read entire books again, they suggested tiny moments of personal time.
Reading for ten minutes.
Going on a short walk alone.
Doing hobbies with no pressure or commitment.
Others recommended spending less time on social media, which can make the comparison with other parents even harder.
Grieving the Person You Used to Be
One commenter offered a perspective that deeply resonated with the original poster.
They suggested that identity loss after becoming a parent can sometimes feel like grief.
Not because motherhood is bad — but because a previous version of life has ended.
Instead of trying to “fix” the feeling immediately, they suggested allowing space to process that loss.
The mom later replied that the idea changed how she was thinking about the problem.
Rather than treating the feeling like something broken, she realized it might be something she needs to experience and work through.
A Different Version of Yourself
Several parents reassured her that the feeling often changes as children grow older and more independent.
Slowly, they said, pieces of personal identity start to return.
But many also pointed out that the goal may not be finding the exact person she used to be.
Instead, it may be discovering who she becomes next.
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As a mom of three busy boys, I know how chaotic life can get — but I’ve learned that it’s possible to create a beautiful, cozy home even with kids running around. That’s why I started Cultivated Comfort — to share practical tips, simple systems, and a little encouragement for parents like me who want to make their home feel warm, inviting, and effortlessly stylish. Whether it’s managing toy chaos, streamlining everyday routines, or finding little moments of calm, I’m here to help you simplify your space and create a sense of comfort.
But home is just part of the story. I’m also passionate about seeing the world and creating beautiful meals to share with the people I love. Through Cultivated Comfort, I share my journey of balancing motherhood with building a home that feels rich and peaceful — and finding joy in exploring new places and flavors along the way.
