A woman’s candid confession about her love life is striking a nerve online: she says she keeps developing crushes on almost anyone who shows her genuine kindness, even though she’s already in a committed relationship. “It makes me question myself,” she wrote, describing a pattern that feels both confusing and oddly predictable. The post has sparked a flood of responses from people who say they’ve felt the same pull, and from others trying to help her separate a fleeting spark from a real problem.
It’s the kind of situation that sounds small on paper—an innocent crush here, a warm interaction there—until you’re the one replaying conversations in your head at 2 a.m. The woman insists she loves her partner and isn’t looking to cheat. But the frequency of the crushes, and how intensely she feels them, has her wondering what’s going on underneath the surface.
“If someone’s nice to me, my brain turns it into a thing”
In her post, the woman described how a simple act—someone listening attentively, offering a compliment, checking in—can flip a switch. She’ll catch herself daydreaming, feeling butterflies, and wondering why her mind jumps so quickly to romantic possibility. That jump is what bothers her most, because it feels automatic, like her emotions are sprinting ahead while her values are still tying their shoes.
She also shared the uncomfortable second layer: guilt. She’s not acting on these crushes, but she worries that having them in the first place means she’s failing at commitment. “I don’t want to be the kind of person who… collects crushes,” she implied, but she can’t seem to stop her brain from doing it.
Why this hits home for so many people
Judging by the responses, she’s far from alone. Many commenters said they relate to the “kindness equals crush” equation, especially people who grew up feeling overlooked, criticized, or emotionally unsupported. When kindness has been scarce, a small amount can feel huge—like rain after a drought.
Others pointed to a more modern twist: everyday interactions can be so rushed and transactional that basic warmth feels unusually intimate. If most of your day is emails, errands, and “quick question” conversations, someone taking a moment to be genuinely considerate can stand out like a spotlight. It’s not always romance; sometimes it’s just relief.
Is it a red flag—or just being human?
Several relationship-minded voices offered a calming reframe: having a crush doesn’t automatically mean you don’t love your partner. Crushes can be a normal, passing response to novelty, attention, and chemistry—basically your brain doing its ancient “new person might be exciting” routine. The key difference is what you do next.
Still, the woman’s discomfort isn’t nothing. If the crushes feel compulsive, constant, or tied to feeling “saved” by someone’s approval, it may point to an unmet emotional need. Not a moral failure—more like a signal light on the dashboard.
The psychology behind kindness-triggered crushes
Therapists often describe a concept called “misattribution of arousal,” where our brains can label emotional activation as romantic attraction. If kindness makes you feel seen, safe, or suddenly energized, your mind may stamp it as a crush because that’s a familiar category. It’s not that your intuition is broken; it may just be using the closest available label.
Attachment style can also play a role. People with anxious attachment, for example, may be especially sensitive to cues of approval and connection, and may quickly bond in their minds. And if someone has a history of inconsistent affection—where warmth came unpredictably—kindness can feel extra powerful, almost like winning a prize.
What her confession suggests about her relationship
Some commenters wondered if the crushes are a sign that her current relationship is missing something. Not necessarily big-ticket items like love or loyalty, but smaller daily nutrients: compliments, curiosity, reassurance, playful attention. When those drop off, kindness from others can feel like a reminder of what you miss.
That doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed, or that her partner is “doing it wrong.” Many long-term couples hit stretches where life gets loud—work stress, family stuff, burnout—and tenderness becomes more of a once-a-week special than a daily habit. Crushes can pop up in those gaps, like weeds finding sunlight.
Online reactions: empathy, jokes, and a little tough love
The internet did what it does: some people offered heartfelt empathy, others delivered blunt warnings, and a few cracked jokes about being one “good morning” away from planning a wedding. Beneath the humor, though, most responses landed on the same point: feelings aren’t actions. A crush is a thought-and-body experience, not a decision you signed in blood.
At the same time, a handful of commenters pushed her to consider boundaries. If she’s feeding the crush—extra texting, private emotional venting, constant social media stalking—she may be watering something that doesn’t need to grow. Their advice: notice it, name it, and don’t build a little fantasy house around it.
How to handle crushes without spiraling
Relationship experts often recommend treating crushes like passing weather: acknowledge them without panic. Saying to yourself, “Okay, that was a warm interaction and my brain is doing its thing,” can reduce the shame that fuels rumination. The goal isn’t to never feel attraction; it’s to stay aligned with your values.
It can also help to get specific about what the kindness represents. Was it feeling listened to? Being complimented? Someone remembering a detail about your day? Once you identify the need, you can try to meet it in healthier places—through friends, through self-validation, and, yes, through more intentional connection with your partner.
When it might be worth talking to someone
If the crushes feel constant, distressing, or tied to self-worth—like you only feel okay when someone is warm to you—therapy can be genuinely useful. This isn’t about “fixing” you; it’s about understanding your emotional wiring and learning how to soothe it without outsourcing your sense of value. A counselor can also help you explore whether past experiences are making kindness feel unusually loaded.
And if you’re comfortable, a gentle conversation with your partner can help too. Not a dramatic confession of every fleeting attraction, but a simple request for more day-to-day affection, attention, or reassurance. Many partners respond well to specifics like, “I feel loved when you ask about my day,” or “I miss when we flirted a little more.”
A question at the heart of it: “What does kindness mean to me?”
Her line—“It makes me question myself”—is what gives the story its emotional punch. She’s not bragging about being desirable; she’s worried that her reactions say something bad about her character. But for many people, the real question isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” It’s “Why does kindness hit me this hard?”
Sometimes the answer is simple: you’re human, and kindness feels good. Sometimes it’s deeper: you’re craving connection, safety, or validation in a way you haven’t fully named yet. Either way, her confession has opened up a surprisingly tender public conversation—one that’s less about judging crushes and more about understanding what we’re all reaching for when someone is simply, genuinely nice.
More from Cultivated Comfort:
- 7 Vintage Home Items From the ’60s That Are Collectors’ Dream Finds
- 7 Vintage Home Goods That Became Collectors’ Gold
- 7 Fast-Food Chains That Changed for the Worse
- 7 Frozen Dinners That Were Better Back in the Day
As a mom of three busy boys, I know how chaotic life can get — but I’ve learned that it’s possible to create a beautiful, cozy home even with kids running around. That’s why I started Cultivated Comfort — to share practical tips, simple systems, and a little encouragement for parents like me who want to make their home feel warm, inviting, and effortlessly stylish. Whether it’s managing toy chaos, streamlining everyday routines, or finding little moments of calm, I’m here to help you simplify your space and create a sense of comfort.
But home is just part of the story. I’m also passionate about seeing the world and creating beautiful meals to share with the people I love. Through Cultivated Comfort, I share my journey of balancing motherhood with building a home that feels rich and peaceful — and finding joy in exploring new places and flavors along the way.
