Dating again after a painful breakup can feel like a huge step forward — which is why one woman says she felt especially blindsided when a promising new connection suddenly fell apart.
After going on three great dates with a man she met on a dating app, she thought she might finally be ready to move on from a devastating divorce.
Instead, she discovered something that instantly ended the relationship: he told her he’s polyamorous and doesn’t believe in monogamy.
And the way she found out only made it hurt more.
Starting Over After a Betrayal
The woman explained that the last few years have been extremely difficult.
She went through a painful divorce after discovering that her husband had been unfaithful — and that one of the other women involved was her own sister.
After the breakup, she moved to a new city and started trying to rebuild her life.
Eventually, she decided she was ready to try dating again, even though the idea made her nervous.
Since she didn’t know many people in her new area, she downloaded the dating app Hinge to meet someone.
Three Dates That Seemed Promising
Not long after joining the app, she matched with a man who seemed to click with her right away.
They went on three dates, and she said each one went so well that they kept extending their time together because neither of them wanted the evening to end.
Between dates, they talked constantly — messaging and calling and discovering how much they had in common.
For the first time since her divorce, she felt hopeful.
The Dealbreaker Came After the Third Date
After the third date, however, the man told her something she hadn’t expected.
He said he was polyamorous and doesn’t believe in monogamy.
While the two of them weren’t exclusive yet, the woman said that information would have been a complete dealbreaker from the beginning.
If she had known earlier, she says she wouldn’t have matched with him or gone on a date in the first place.
The man seemed confused by her reaction.
He told her that people usually disclose being polyamorous around the third or fourth date — or earlier if they plan to sleep together sooner.
She strongly disagreed.
Why She Felt Misled
For her, something as fundamental as relationship style should be shared right away.
She believes it should either be on a person’s dating profile or mentioned before the first date.
Instead, she felt like she had spent time building a connection with someone whose lifestyle was completely incompatible with hers.
After learning the truth, she cancelled their next planned date and blocked him.
But the emotional fallout hasn’t gone away.
Feeling Alone After the Experience
Part of what made the experience harder was the isolation she felt afterward.
She recently moved to a new city and is still building a social circle, so she doesn’t have many close friends nearby to talk about what happened.
The few relatives she keeps in touch with are older and don’t really understand dating apps or modern dating culture.
Living alone, she says the loneliness hit especially hard after the experience.
It took a lot of courage for her to try dating again after her divorce, and now she feels discouraged all over again.
Reddit Had a Clear Opinion
Many commenters felt the man should have disclosed his relationship style much earlier.
User MadamUnicornOfDoom wrote:
“I feel like there’s certain topics people should bring up on first dates so no one’s wasting their time.”
Another commenter, glowingplantern, added:
“Things like wanting kids or being poly are major dealbreakers for a lot of people.”
Some users also pointed out that many dating apps already include profile options to state whether someone prefers monogamy or non-monogamy.
User fakemoose suggested the man may have intentionally avoided listing it:
“He doesn’t put it on his profile because he doesn’t want those women to self-select out.”
For the woman, the biggest frustration isn’t just the mismatch — it’s feeling like she invested emotional energy into something that was never compatible in the first place.
And after everything she’s already been through, that disappointment hit harder than she expected.
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