Ask a roomful of people what makes for a good life and you will hear the usual answers. A fat paycheck. A big house. A famous name. Maybe a clean bill of health and a good set of genes. But what if a study that watched real lives unfold for nearly eight decades found that none of those things is the secret?
That is the story of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been running for nearly 80 years. The Harvard Gazette told the tale in April 2017, and the lesson is still worth repeating today.
How the Study Began
The project started in 1938, in the middle of the Great Depression. Researchers began tracking 268 Harvard sophomores to learn how people live healthy, happy lives. Later, the project added a second group, a sample of 456 men from inner-city Boston. Over the years the researchers also followed the children of these men, about 1,300 people in all.
Think about how much time that covers. Nearly eighty years is a long stretch for any project to keep going, and it gave the researchers a rare chance to watch how lives actually turned out instead of guessing.
The Surprising Finding
So what did all those years of data turn up? According to the Gazette, the study found that close relationships, rather than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. Those ties also help protect us from life’s stresses, help slow mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ or even genes.
Robert Waldinger, the psychiatrist who was directing the study when the Gazette story ran, put it plainly. “The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80,” he said.
Here is the part that really makes you sit up. The researchers found that satisfaction with relationships at age 50 predicted physical health better than cholesterol levels did. Waldinger said that it was not their middle-age cholesterol levels that predicted how the men were going to grow old.
Now, that does not mean you should toss out your doctor’s advice or ignore your cholesterol numbers. Nothing in the article says that. It simply says that how happy people were in their relationships turned out to be a surprisingly strong clue about how they would be doing decades later.
Relationships, Relationships, Relationships
George Vaillant, another psychiatrist, led the study from 1972 to 2004. His summary of the research was short and memorable. The key to healthy aging, he said, is “relationships, relationships, relationships.”
Waldinger had a blunter way of putting the flip side. “Loneliness kills,” he said. “It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.”
It is worth remembering that the Gazette story is from 2017, so the details reflect the study as it stood then. But the central message is a timeless one that most of us already feel in our bones.
Putting It Into Practice
The good news is that relationships are something you can work on at any age. You do not need a fortune or a special skill. You need time and attention. Here are some simple ways to start.
- Make the call. Think of one friend or relative you have not talked to in a while and pick up the phone today. A short chat counts.
- Show up in person when you can. A cup of coffee, a walk around the block or a shared meal gives a relationship room to breathe.
- Be the one who plans. Many people want company but wait to be invited. Host the Sunday dinner, start the card game or organize the neighborhood get-together.
- Tend to your marriage or partnership. Long relationships need regular care. Turn off the television, ask a real question and listen to the answer.
- Keep your friendships in repair. If there has been a falling out, consider being the first to say you miss them. Life is too short for long silences.
- Join something. A church group, a book club, a volunteer team or a hobby class can put new faces in your life.
What Money Cannot Buy
It would be easy to read a study like this and shrug. Of course relationships matter, we think. But most of us still spend far more time chasing the paycheck and the promotion than we do tending the people we love.
The Harvard researchers watched real people live out their years, and the pattern they saw was clear. The warmth we build with spouses, friends, children and neighbors is not a bonus on top of a good life. It is a big part of the foundation.
So the next time you are tempted to cancel lunch with an old friend because you are busy, remember what nearly eighty years of research suggest. That lunch might be the best investment you make all week.
More Stories You May Like
- Wedding Guests Are Being Told to Put Their Phones in Pouches That Cover the Cameras Before They Can Walk In, and People Are Split on Whether They Would
- Costco Shopper in Irvine Finds the Rice She Bought Was Infested with Bugs and Shows What She Found Inside the Bag
- Grandma Faced Her Fear of Flying for the First Time in 15 Years and Her Family Cheered Her All the Way Onto the Plane
