An Austin bartender has a pet peeve that may make you laugh, especially if you have ever been guilty of it. The bartender who posts as @theregoesharry says customers walk up and ask for “something tequila.” She suggests a ranch water. They say no thanks. Then they order tequila, soda and a little bit of lime juice, which is, more or less, exactly what a ranch water is.
Her caption says it all: “That is the same thing!!!!!”
The clip is only a few seconds long, but the exasperation is clear. “Why do y’all come in the bar and be like, give me something tequila?” she asks. She offers a ranch water, and the answer comes back, “No, give me tequila soda and a little bit of lime juice.” Her caption, with its five exclamation points, says the rest.
It is a very Texas complaint, and it raises a fair question. If you have heard of ranch water but never quite knew what was in it, you are not alone.
@theregoesharry
So What Is a Ranch Water, Anyway?
Ranch water is one of the simplest cocktails around. It has three ingredients: tequila, fresh lime juice and sparkling water, served over ice. That is it. No sugar, no syrup, no salt rim unless you want one.
The drink is closely tied to West Texas ranch country, where it became a local favorite long before it showed up on bar menus in Austin, Dallas and Houston. Stories about exactly who invented it vary, and nobody seems to agree on one origin, but the idea is easy to understand. On a hot day, a cold, fizzy, lightly boozy drink with a squeeze of lime goes down easily.
In Texas, ranch water is traditionally made with Mexican sparkling mineral water, which tends to be very bubbly and has a slightly salty, mineral taste. That is the one small difference a bartender might point to between a classic ranch water and a basic tequila soda made with club soda from the bar gun. But for most drinkers, and certainly for the customers in this video, the two are close enough to be the same order.
How to Make One at Home
If you want to try it without a trip to the bar, here is a simple version:
Fill a tall glass with ice. A highball glass works best, but any tall glass will do.
Add 2 ounces of blanco tequila. Blanco, sometimes called silver, is the clear, unaged kind and gives a clean, crisp flavor. Look for a bottle labeled 100 percent agave.
Squeeze in about half an ounce to an ounce of fresh lime juice. That is roughly half a lime to a whole lime, depending on how tart you like it. Fresh juice tastes far better than bottled.
Top with sparkling mineral water. Pour it gently so you keep the bubbles, then give it one quick stir.
Garnish with a lime wedge. Some people like a salt rim or a pinch of salt in the glass, especially if they are using plain club soda instead of mineral water.
Skipping the alcohol? The same glass of ice, fresh lime and sparkling mineral water, with a pinch of salt, makes a refreshing alcohol-free drink for designated drivers, grandkids or anyone taking a night off. Many grocery stores also now sell canned, ready-to-drink ranch waters for those who would rather not mix their own.
Want a twist? Some folks add a splash of orange liqueur, a few slices of jalapeño or a little grapefruit juice. Once you add sweetness, though, you are drifting toward a margarita or a paloma, which are different drinks.
Ordering Smarter at the Bar
The bartender’s frustration is funny, but it also points to a real tip for anyone who goes out. Bartenders usually make suggestions because they are trying to give you what you want, faster. A few habits make the exchange smoother on both sides:
Know the names of simple drinks. A ranch water is tequila, lime and sparkling water. A tequila soda is tequila and club soda. A paloma adds grapefruit soda or juice. A margarita adds orange liqueur and usually some sweetener. Knowing the basics helps you order exactly what you like.
Describe what you want. If you are not sure of a name, saying “something with tequila that’s not sweet and not too strong” gives the bartender everything needed to steer you right.
Ask before you say no. If a bartender suggests a drink you do not recognize, ask what is in it. You may find out it is exactly what you were about to order.
Be specific about brands. If you have a favorite tequila, name it. Otherwise, you will usually get the house pour, which is perfectly fine for a mixed drink like this.
A ranch water is also a lighter choice than many cocktails because it skips the sugary mixers. It still contains a full shot of tequila, though, so pace yourself, drink water between rounds and never drive after drinking.
The next time you are in Texas, or anywhere a bartender offers you a ranch water, you will know what to say. And if all you really want is tequila, soda and lime, now you know there is a much shorter way to ask for it.
More From Cultivated Comfort
- Diner Orders at a Self Serve Kiosk Fills Their Own Drink and Stacks Their Own Dishes Then the Screen Still Asks for a Twenty Twenty Five or Thirty Percent Tip
- Former Applebees Waiter Who Worked Fourteen Hour Shifts for Two Dollars an Hour Says Servers Today Take Fifteen Minutes to Bring a Sweet Tea and Still Want a Fifteen Dollar Tip
- Woman Describes Her Worst Restaurant Experience Yet and Says She Will Not Be Going Back to the Place After What Happened
