In a crowded apartment complex filled with students, an 18-year-old girl named Sarah found herself navigating a challenging situation that tested her capacity for patience, resilience, and self-advocacy. Sarah, who is on the autism spectrum and identified as Level 2, had long been promised a solo apartment as an accommodation for her needs. However, when she arrived on campus, the university’s housing office informed her that there were no available units for her and she would have to share a space with a roommate.
Her roommate, Jess, also 21 years old, had a different set of expectations for their shared living arrangement. Jess was much more social, often taking long showers and occupying the bathroom for over an hour each morning and night. This posed a significant problem for Sarah, who relied on a strict routine, especially when it came to personal hygiene. With her autism, any disruption to her carefully constructed daily rituals could lead to overwhelming stress and meltdowns.
Sarah described how she needed the bathroom at specific times and for limited durations—less than ten minutes in the morning and about twenty minutes at night. Her routine involved a series of steps that were crucial for her mental health, but Jess’s unpredictable schedule often resulted in Sarah getting kicked out of the bathroom. This led to frantic knockings and angry texts from Jess demanding that Sarah hurry up or get out, even when she was already in the midst of her routine. The stress from these encounters quickly compounded, leading Sarah to experience daily meltdowns.
With each meltdown, Sarah found herself struggling to cope; she would often need to rely on a prescribed sedative to help calm her down. While the medication alleviated some immediate anxiety, it left her feeling lethargic and mentally fuzzy, making it hard for her to focus on her studies or even engage with others. The situation only worsened as her mental health declined. In a matter of weeks, she lost weight—nearly ten pounds—due to her anxiety around food and cooking. Sarah shared that she had resorted to using a small fridge and a crock pot in her room, which limited her meal options and left her feeling unsatisfied and anxious about eating.
Amidst the chaotic living conditions, there were further complications with shared spaces. Though Sarah had brought her own personal items—everything from a trash can to paper towels—Jess began to insist that Sarah also provide her with these essentials or take out the trash for her. This was baffling for Sarah, who couldn’t understand why she needed to contribute to Jess’s mess when she was sticking to her own items. She had made it clear that she used her things and Jess used hers, but this did little to ease Jess’s frustrations.
Feeling trapped and scared, Sarah began to confine herself to her room. Outside of class and therapy, she often found herself avoiding shared spaces entirely, including the bathroom. Days would pass when she wouldn’t shower out of fear of confrontations, relying on water wipes to maintain her hygiene. The apartment, which was meant to be a place of growth and independence, started to feel more like a prison.
As if living with her roommate wasn’t enough, Sarah’s attempts to transfer to another apartment were thwarted by the university’s housing policies. She was told repeatedly that there were no available units and that she would have to endure the current arrangement until August—whether she liked it or not. This news was devastating for Sarah, who had already felt isolated and overwhelmed. The anxiety of being unable to change her situation compounded her daily struggles and made her mental health deteriorate further.
Despite all of this, Sarah maintained a calm and polite demeanor with Jess, hoping that kindness would yield some understanding. But as the days wore on, it became more apparent that Jess’s behavior was only adding fuel to Sarah’s fire. The isolation, stress, and confrontation led Sarah to cry every day, feeling as if she was losing a part of herself amid the chaos.
With the sedative taking effect and her mind growing heavy, Sarah decided to reach out for help online. She crafted a heartfelt post on Reddit, sharing her struggles in hopes of finding advice from anyone who might have gone through a similar experience. She explained her situation plainly, without sugarcoating her fears or frustrations, acknowledging her spelling and grammar issues due to her learning disabilities. She ended her post with a simple invitation to engage, knowing that sometimes, just being heard could help lighten her burden.
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