Dad Gets Upset That Fiancé Didn’t Ask Permission To Propose, Even Though He Never Said The “Outdated Tradition” Mattered

In a small beach town, a 23-year-old woman, known as OP (original poster), found herself caught in an unexpected family drama while visiting her grandparents. The occasion was overshadowed by a phone call her father made to her grandfather, expressing his discontent that her fiancé hadn’t asked for his “permission” before proposing. It was a revelation that left OP more than a little baffled.

OP’s fiancé had proposed a while back, and it had been a joyous moment for them both. Now, as she stood on the shore with her family, she learned of her father’s feelings, which felt strangely out of place given their family dynamics. To OP, the notion of asking for a father’s permission before proposing felt like an outdated tradition—one that seemed to hold little relevance in today’s world. She had never considered it important, especially since her father had never indicated that it mattered to him.

Her father was not a particularly traditional man. He wasn’t religious, nor did they live in a region where such customs were commonplace. Moreover, their family was mixed, with Hispanic roots, but he hadn’t raised OP within the confines of rigid traditions. This made his sudden upset about her fiancé’s proposal approach all the more confusing for her. Did he genuinely feel this was a slight, or was there more to it?

OP reflected on her father’s relationship with her fiancé. They got along well enough; her fiancé was respectful and made an effort to engage with her father when they met. He would shake her father’s hand, offer help with various projects, and generally tried to display good manners. But beyond that, their relationship was somewhat distant; they didn’t spend much time together or delve into personal topics. OP couldn’t help but wonder if her father’s frustration stemmed from their lack of connection rather than the proposal itself.

When she learned of her father’s feelings, OP felt stuck. She cared about her father’s feelings, but at the same time, she believed that her fiancé’s decision to propose was ultimately her choice, not her father’s. It seemed unfair for her father to express disappointment about something he’d never voiced as important to him. If it had truly mattered, why hadn’t he spoken up sooner? In her mind, the idea of “asking for permission” was less about respect and more about adhering to an outdated convention that didn’t fit their family’s narrative.

As OP processed her father’s reaction, she began to question whether she should’ve taken his feelings into account more seriously. Did her response make her a jerk? Many Reddit users would likely have varying opinions on matters of tradition versus personal autonomy. Some might argue that her father’s feelings should carry more weight, while others could affirm her stance that her life choices are her own to make, free from outdated customs.

Despite her uncertainty, OP stood firm in her belief that her fiancé’s actions were not disrespectful. He had proposed out of love, not malice. She recalled how her mother was already aware of the proposal and had even supported OP through the whole process. It felt strange to her that her father was the only one caught off guard, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was more about his emotional needs than any real issue with her fiancé. This was compounded by the fact that her father had never made a clear statement about wanting to participate in such traditions.

In the end, OP found herself torn between wanting to uphold family unity and the desire to assert her own independence. How could she explain to her father her perspective without it turning into a family confrontation? And more importantly, would he ever understand that she valued her own agency and happiness over outdated customs that felt foreign to her?

With all these thoughts swirling in her mind, OP decided to seek advice from the internet. She turned to Reddit, asking if she was the jerk for considering her dad’s feelings less significant in light of the lack of communication regarding traditions and his apparent disappointment. As she awaited the response, she hoped to find clarity in the sea of opinions that awaited her.