Woman Says EMDR Broke Open A Memory Of Her Mom Throwing Everything From Her Room While She Was Only Four Or Five

Yesterday, a woman in her early thirties, who goes by the username /u/Peachyykween on Reddit, opened up about a raw memory that resurfaced during her latest session of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. The session was initially focused on indexing core memories, a technique used in EMDR to rank significant past experiences by their emotional distress. As she navigated through her memories, she stumbled upon something unexpected, and it wasn’t just a flashback; it felt like a breaking point.

Peachyykween had spent the better part of two decades intellectualizing her feelings in therapy. She was used to talking about her past while often masking her pain with humor. “I’ve always been able to discuss my experiences with a dry wit, not fully grasping how heavy those experiences actually were,” she shared. Yet yesterday’s session shifted the ground beneath her feet.

During the therapy session, her counselor asked how old she was when a particular event occurred. This simple question triggered a visceral recollection that had been buried deep within her. She remembered being just four or five years old when her mother—a woman who grapples with Borderline Personality Disorder—launched into a fit of rage. In a whirlwind of chaos, she threw every single item from Peachyykween’s room into the hallway, blocking her exit as she screamed at her. The young girl had been told to clean her room, but her attention had drifted, and she was punished for it in a way that no small child should ever experience.

As the memory flooded back, Peachyykween felt a profound shift. “I thought I had ranked this memory as a four or five on the distress scale,” she explained. “But now it feels like it carries a weight I didn’t recognize before.” The inner turmoil that followed the recollection was almost suffocating. Instead of the expected ambivalence, she was struck with an immense sense of pain and anger—emotions she rarely confronted.

Now, as she reflected on being that small child, she couldn’t help but draw comparisons with the children of her friends who were around that same age. She thought about how much care and nurturing those kids needed to navigate simple tasks. “They are so small, so easily distracted, so eager to please, and here I was, my mother expecting me to manage everything while I was still just a kid,” she pondered. It struck her how utterly unattainable those expectations were.

After her session, Peachyykween returned home feeling shaken. She had a loving husband, someone she typically confided in, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that sharing this newfound memory would somehow shatter her. “I felt like I had the thousand-yard stare when I walked in,” she admitted. “This pain feels like a deep, gnawing ache, and I’m terrified that it’s never going to go away.”

Her thoughts were a swirl of emotions, mixing sadness with a righteous anger. The thought of a child being treated that way by a parent struck a chord deep within her. “If one of my friends was treating their child like that, I would be furious,” she expressed. The contradiction of empathy for the child she once was, combined with a fiery indignation towards her mother, was something she hadn’t anticipated.

Peachyykween sought solace in sharing her experience with the Reddit community, a place where she could be vulnerable and connect with others who may understand her struggle. “I don’t really know what I’m looking for here,” she admitted, “but I just feel so deeply melancholic. Like I can’t breathe deeply enough to make it through the day.” Her willingness to unpack this memory, despite the pain it caused, became a pivotal moment in her journey through therapy.

As she continues her EMDR process, Peachyykween stands at the beginning of confronting emotions she has long buried. The journey ahead may be difficult, but in her act of sharing, she has invited a dialogue about the complexities of childhood memories and their lasting impact.