Woman Says Her Mom Swung Between Hellfire Religion, “Dress Sexier For Me,” And Blaming Women’s Clothes For Men’s Behavior

There’s a certain kind of chaos that comes from growing up with a parent whose beliefs seem to shift like sand beneath your feet. For one Reddit user, who goes by the handle /u/ThrowawayForSupport3, her experience with her mother was a whirlwind of contradictions that left her feeling perpetually off-balance. Looking for support, she shared her story, detailing how her mom swung between extreme religious fervor and bafflingly misogynistic views, creating a toxic environment for her and her siblings.

In the early years, this woman’s mother was a casual Christian. Church wasn’t a regular fixture in their lives—Sundays were more likely spent sleeping in than attending a service. But then came the moments of intense obsession, where her mother would suddenly become consumed by visions of hellfire and damnation. “You’ll go to hell for sinning,” she would insist, pulling her kids into an ideology that felt foreign and frightening. The commandment to “honor thy mother and father” hung like a guillotine over their heads, tainting even the smallest acts of rebellion with the weight of sin.

But the real perplexity lay in her mother’s views on women and clothing. One day, she would fuss over her daughter’s attire, insisting that she needed to “dress nicer”—sometimes lapsing into downright uncomfortable territory by suggesting that she should “dress sexier for her.” It was jarring, especially when juxtaposed with the mother’s later admonishments concerning women’s clothing and their perceived responsibility for men’s actions. “A woman is at fault for being raped if her clothes say she wants it,” she would proclaim, placing the weight of responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the victim while framing men as victims of their own desires.

The contradictions made it hard to reconcile her mother’s views. Within days, or even hours, she could oscillate between demanding more revealing outfits for her daughter and condemning women for the very same garments. The dissonance left the Redditor feeling confused and anxious, questioning the values she was being taught at such a young age. Plagued by these conflicting messages, her childhood innocence was overshadowed by adult themes she shouldn’t have had to grapple with at the age of seven or eight.

But the confusion didn’t stop there. The mother’s attitudes extended beyond clothing; they infiltrated their relationship. The user recalled instances where her mother would use her appearance as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. “I couldn’t help it; you’re just too cute,” she would say while crossing boundaries, not realizing—or perhaps not caring—about the discomfort she was causing her daughter. This behavior continued for years, only ceasing when someone else pointed out that it was “weird.” It was as if the only way to stop her mother’s abuse was through public denunciation; a chilling realization for a child who just wanted to feel safe in her own home.

The mother’s identity was multifaceted, often contradicting itself in ways that made it impossible for her daughter to understand her. At times, she’d throw around the term “feminist,” but her actions and beliefs spoke volumes that contradicted that label. There was no evidence to support her supposed commitment to women’s rights; instead, it felt like a mask, a cover for her more extreme beliefs. It left the Redditor feeling stranded, as if she were watching a complicated play unfold, where the script changed without warning.

Now, looking back, she realizes that her mother has veered toward the extreme side of these ideologies over the past decade. It’s disheartening to witness how firmly her beliefs have settled into a toxic framework that doesn’t seem likely to change. With no hope for her mother’s transformation, the Reddit user is left navigating the fallout of this conflicting upbringing. The unpredictability of her mother’s views taught her to tread carefully, to be on guard, and to expect the unexpected.

This story resonates with many who have encountered parents—or caregivers—whose erratic beliefs and behaviors left lasting impressions. As /u/ThrowawayForSupport3 continues to seek understanding and support, her experience serves as a reminder of the complexities and challenges of growing up in such environments.