This is a little long, but for some background, the friend group involved has been together since the end of high school. There are eight of them now (19–20 M/F). Some have known each other since 2012, while others became friends around 2020. They are all at different universities now, some even in different countries, so they don’t get to see each other often outside of holidays and summer. Because of that, they really value the time they do get together.
One of their friends, a 19-year-old guy, got his first girlfriend about four months ago. Before they officially started dating, someone told him she’d cheated on her ex. This made him really upset, and he came to the group for advice. They suggested he talk to her about it before jumping to conclusions. Apparently, it turned out to be a “misunderstanding,” so they made things official.
Fast forward to summer. The friend group went on their usual cottage trip, and he brought her along for everyone to meet. Early on, she expressed feeling excluded. Once the group heard that, they made a concerted effort to include her. They asked her questions, tried to make conversation, and get to know her, but it felt one-sided since she didn’t seem interested in engaging with them. The only significant thing she initiated was asking all of them to handwrite personal birthday letters for him as a surprise, which they all happily did because they cared about him.
After the cottage trip, things changed. The group barely heard from him anymore. He stopped coming to hangouts and hardly replied to messages. The only time some heard from him was late at night, around 2–4 AM, when he would vent about arguments with his girlfriend. According to him, she often got upset over relatively small things, gave him ultimatums, and things escalated into huge fights.
Then he invited everyone over for Canada Day, and they thought it would finally be a chance to spend time together. However, almost immediately, he started venting about another fight. She was upset that she hadn’t been invited to an event, despite having luxury concert tickets for that night. The entire hangout revolved around him texting her, and eventually, he stepped outside to call her. When he returned, he asked everyone to leave because he wanted to drive to her to sort things out. During this time, he spoke as if he was on the verge of breaking up with her. This was the last time they saw him.
A few weeks later, at 3 AM, he sent out a text that turned everything upside down. He claimed that two members of the friend group had questionable morals regarding cheating and homewrecking. The problem? Those two had never been in any sort of romantic relationship. He insisted that their friendship dynamic reflected poorly on his life, likening it to cheating. He also never reached out to them to resolve this or at least inform them of his concerns. Additionally, his girlfriend had previously “forbidden” him from being friends with one of the women in that duo due to a crush he used to have on her.
When the group tried responding, he wouldn’t engage meaningfully with their concerns. Instead, he added that he felt scrutinized because he got a job. They joked with each other all the time, and most either got jobs through family connections or weren’t working at all, so this reasoning didn’t sit well with them.
He also stated he couldn’t be friends with people who condone cheating, which was fair enough. But they pointed out that back at the beginning of his relationship, he was willing to start it with the belief that she’d cheated on her ex. Plus, he remained friends with another individual in their wider circle even after that person cheated. It felt inconsistent.
Another reason he gave was that he didn’t agree with how much they drank, as he wanted to live a healthier lifestyle. While they respected that choice, it felt hypocritical as he had been drinking and smoking just a month prior with them. Furthermore, his girlfriend regularly posted about going out drinking and clubbing. Not everyone in the group drank or smoked at all, and they had never pressured anyone.
To them, all these reasons felt more like excuses than actual explanations. The timing was suspicious, making them think his girlfriend was influencing him. Every conversation leading up to this had been about how to keep her happy, even when he admitted she was giving him ultimatums. The group felt concern brewing because he had isolated himself from almost all his friends, choosing to cut off everyone at once.
Some members speculated that he might be avoiding them due to the female presence in the group, worrying that talking to them might upset her. They just wanted the best for him. If he had simply communicated a desire to spend more time with his girlfriend or that he was growing apart from them, they would have understood. Instead, he completely cut them off overnight, framing it as a moral issue despite the disparity between his statements and his actions.
They were genuinely worried about him being so isolated now and began contemplating reaching out to his mother, whom they all knew pretty well. Was this an overreaction to the situation, or should they just let it go?
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